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Autism (14)
Life Stuff (14)
Special Education (15)
The Nickel Jar (32)

thenickeljar

Raising brothers. Questioning everything.
Autism, ADHD, Borderline Intellectual Functioning, Dyslexia, Dyscalculia, Pathological Demand Avoindant

I don't need Eli to blend into the world. I need h

I don't need Eli to blend into the world. I need him to understand it well enough to be safe in it. For our family, ABA isn't about making him less autistic. It's about giving him the tools to better understand himself, the people around him, and the situations he encounters every day.

Some of the most important skills our children learn aren't the ones that show up on report cards. They're the ones that help them recognize danger, understand their feelings, trust the right people, and ask for help when something doesn't feel right.

New post, "Safety Skills & Peace of Mind", linked in bio!

Someday, if we're lucky, we realize the traditions

Someday, if we're lucky, we realize the traditions we grew up with aren't ours to keep — they're ours to carry forward.

Grief has a way of creating an unexpected juxtapos

Grief has a way of creating an unexpected juxtaposition: mourning something or someone deeply while simultaneously celebrating them most fully.

This season has been full of grief layered on top of grief… but also family, memories, perspective, and a giant reminder that 20 years, 42 years, 84 years - doesn't matter. It isn’t long enough, and none of us are promised tomorrow.

New post, "Layered Grief", linked in bio.

For the first time ever, a little boy showed up at

For the first time ever, a little boy showed up at our front door uninvited, rang the doorbell, and asked for ELI to come out and play basketball with him.

I don’t know that I can fully explain how that hit me in every feel the way it did.

But I snapped a picture of them playing basketball in the driveway…
and just stood there in it - watching from behind the curtain in the upstairs window.

Because what looks like an ordinary moment to most people…
can feel like everything to a little boy who’s waited 13 years for it.

I had a plan. Pack hospital bags. Be prepared. Be

I had a plan.

Pack hospital bags.
Be prepared.
Be calm.
Be in control.

Instead… I ate a burger, went to sleep, and woke up in labor 7 weeks early with ZERO bags packed 🙃

Add in a 12-hour “clock,” a c-section, and a NICU stay… and it's safe to say — things didn’t exactly go according to plan.

Sharing Aiden’s birth story today because somehow that tiny 4 lb 11 oz baby is now 16 🥹

Lemme Tell Ya Bout A - posted & linked in bio ☺️

https://thenickeljar.com/lemme-tell-ya-bout-a/

He’s curious. He’s persistent. He’s paying attenti

He’s curious.
He’s persistent.
He’s paying attention in ways you might not expect.

🪙 New story on The Nickel Jar.

https://nckljr-mabvp.wpcomstaging.com/lemme-tell-you-bout-e/

The Nickel Jar: What Looks Like... Isn't Always Wh

The Nickel Jar: What Looks Like... Isn't Always What Is...

What looks like defiance is most often confusion. What looks like not listening is often him feeling like he’s drinking information from a fire hose. What looks like a breakdown might be frustration from not having the words to explain what’s going on in his head. What looks like shutdown is most often his brain reaching its limit.

New post. Link in bio.

If I had a nickel every time I heard “But he looks

If I had a nickel every time I heard “But he looks normal.” 😑

I know people mean well. But that sentence carries more weight than most realize.

🔔 New Post - My Problem with the Word Normal - 🔗 in bio

https://nckljr-mabvp.wpcomstaging.com/my-problem-with-the-word-normal/

Watching the Radar Nickel from the Jar 🪙 A diagno

Watching the Radar

Nickel from the Jar 🪙 A diagnosis is a lot like a weather forecast. It tells you the conditions — not the limits of the sky....

https://nckljr-mabvp.wpcomstaging.com/watching-the-radar/

The Zoom call ended. I opened Google. And everythi

The Zoom call ended.
I opened Google.
And everything in me went hot.

This is the diagnosis I wasn’t ready for — and the truth I had to learn the hard way.

New post → Panic to Perspective, link in bio.

Nobody tells you that becoming a special needs par

Nobody tells you that becoming a special needs parent also means earning an unofficial PhD in Googling.

Late nights.
Waitlists.
Podcasts in the car line.
Reading research papers like they’re beach novels.

At some point, “downtime” just becomes research time.

And half of it isn’t even about fixing anything — it’s about making sure you’re not crazy.

If this is you… you’re not alone. 🪙
New post up. Linked in bio.

Turns out, parenting a special needs kid comes wit

Turns out, parenting a special needs kid comes with a side of unsolicited opinions, boundary testing, and learning who actually shows up.
Spoiler: I’ll still choose my kid every time 😉

New blog post - link in bio 😘

There was no magic chart. No sticker system. No co

There was no magic chart. No sticker system. No consequence that fixed it.

What actually helped wasn’t impressive or tidy — it was slowing down, lowering demand, and choosing safety over compliance.

This post is about what didn’t work, what finally did, and the moment I realized regulation wasn’t optional — it was the prerequisite. 🤍

If this feels familiar, you’re not alone - new post link in bio. Also, enjoy these pics of tiny E sleep eating 😂

Lately, the big kid has been quietly impressing me

Lately, the big kid has been quietly impressing me.

He’s holding onto a 4.3 GPA in mostly honors classes, juggling soccer 3–5 days a week, private lessons, pickup games at the park, tutoring, church and youth group—without much fuss or fanfare. He just shows up and does the work.

Last weekend at a college showcase in Vegas, both his team and the older team were short players. So he played his three games… and then stepped in to play three more with the older boys.

Six games. One weekend.

In the final game of the showcase, he scored the game-winning goal.

No drama. No spotlight chasing. Just effort, grit, and heart.
Feeling really proud of the human he’s becoming.

I used to think we were failing because progress n

I used to think we were failing because progress never seemed to stick. One thing would improve… and another would fall apart.

What I know now? We were treating pieces instead of the whole nervous system.

This post is about how ADHD, autism, learning differences, PDA, and regulation collide — and why nothing works if safety isn’t there first. 💛

Also, enjoy the boy and his pups.

💥 Everything Collides - 🔗 in bio 😘

Eli is freakin’ THIRTEEN 😳 I don’t understand how

Eli is freakin’ THIRTEEN 😳 I don’t understand how this happened 🙃 My boy → he is hard headed and stubborn and set in his ways, he is funny and kind and oh so loving, he is our biggest challenge and one of our greatest blessings, once you have his heart - he’ll give it to you BIG and he’ll give it to you forever.

HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY ELI WILLIAM “Bubba” - we love you so BIG! 🎈🥳. Big brother and I are traipsing all over the Las Vegas soccer scene while E is back home enjoying the winter weather. We love Bubs - see you soon 😘😘😘

For years, I thought Eli’s resistance meant he wou

For years, I thought Eli’s resistance meant he wouldn’t. I didn’t yet understand it meant he couldn’t — not until his nervous system felt safe enough to access the skills he already had. Regulation wasn’t a strategy. It was the prerequisite. 🔗 in bio ✌🏻

Not defiance. Not refusal. Not manipulation. Anxi

Not defiance.
Not refusal.
Not manipulation.

Anxiety.

Learning about Pathological Demand Avoidance changed how I understood my child — and myself as his mom.

👉 Link in bio

In honor of Husband’s 48th birthday, I thought I’d

In honor of Husband’s 48th birthday, I thought I’d throw it back to his 38th first 😘 Happy Birthday, baby daddy 🥳✌🏻

Relief wasn’t the feeling I expected when we final

Relief wasn’t the feeling I expected when we finally got Eli’s diagnoses — but it came first.

Not relief because things were easy.
Not relief because the road ahead felt simple.

Relief because I finally had answers.
Because I wasn’t guessing anymore.
Because I wasn’t “that mom” pushing without proof.

This post is about what happens after the labels — when the dust settles, the paperwork stacks up, and the real question becomes… now what?

If you’ve ever felt both validated and overwhelmed at the same time, this one’s for you. 💛
🪙 Relief Came First — link in bio.

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